Indecision

This is a devil which has bugged me for the majority of my life. I make a decision and forget about it. Then suddenly, out of the blue, my mind starts thinking about it again. Should I or should I not? What if I do it, what if I don't? The subject isn't important. What is important is that I spend a lot of time, and energy on thinking about it. It leads to a lot of sleepless nights, to grey cells wearing themselves out by the constant friction of hesitation.

A manager is supposed to take quick and firm decisions. Who says I'm a manager? Being a hard-core techie, I believe in the principle of perpetual optimization. Even my blog title (... A never-ending journey) says that. If a few new parameters make a system unstable or less optimal, then you have to reconsider your decision. You have to rearrange your variables, recalculate your formulae, and reiterate your answer. Therefore, in my view a decision can never be considered to be final. There is always the possibility of something added to it (or removed from it), something which tilts the scales to the other side, something which disturbs the equilibrium and stirs up the dust in the mind which has just started to settle down. Then all one is left with is to get back to the drawing board.

What is the latest dilemma over which I'm posting this in the middle of the night (2:14AM to be precise)? It is important to me, very important. To others? I don't know and I shouldn't care. The events in the next few days should present a clear picture, even to myself. For now I have to relax and think (is that any oxymoron?). I have an interesting week in front of me, celebrating a birthday, and meeting up with close friends.

If anything, my indecision has given my something to write about on my blog, which was embarrasingly still after I posted the short story (which has done wonders for me in Google).