Yeh Hummer hamari nahi hai

Media sensationalism is reaching new intolerable heights in recent times. Around a decade ago, when cable television invaded Indian homes, people were relieved to be rid of the monotony of the boring Doordarshan news. In the beginning there were few news channels, mostly foreign - BBC and CNN. Gradually the number of channels proliferated as people needed more choice. This too was welcome as one could watch the channel whose style he/she preferred. But since the last couple of years, this abundance of news channels mixed with the new marketing techniques used by them to increase their TRPs has taken its toll on people wishing to watch unbiased, unsensationalized news. But no, that is not what is happening. News channels are fighting it out tooth and nail with each other and pulling out all stops to lure people to their channel. We've already seen the notorious Shakti Kapoor expose, and before that the Tehelka controversy. While some of the 'under-cover' is definitely helpful, but now Zee and Star have spiced up their anchors so much that it is more a comedy than something serious. I'm not sure of his full name but Raghavendra on one of the channels is one example. The way he stresses and shouts his each sentence is humourous. Star One had done a brilliant spoof on the fellow in its 'Great Indian Comedy Show.' Effective oration does not mean that a person has to exert in every breath. For God's sakes, you're not Amitabh Bachchan. This fellow looks like Zee is stopping him from going to the loo until he delivers his dialogue. Koi use Hajmola de do.

Even in the recent deluge in Mumbai, Star News kept harping on one point - Kaha hai Sarkar? Showing the concern and the condition of the people entials doing it responsibly, not exploding the issue more than it requires. And this reached a record (which will be broken, no doubt) during the recent controversy about Suneil Shetty's Hummer. Each news channel had sent its reporter to roam about the car, expound the car's features which would be then interspersed with a telephone call to the actor. One reporter even found his way in the car.

Each channel nowadays has exclusive breaking news which no other channel bothers to cover. The channel *has* to make an ordinary event into breaking news to increase its viewership. As my father said, "They have to run 24 hrs. What else would they broadcast?" Now each channel has its own crime reporting show which claims to solve more cases than the police itself. Even the timing of these shows is unclear. We would have to see these shows during the lunch hour at my company. Eating food while listening to murders and rape makes your food undigestible.

Well, the channel war shows no sign of stopping and is bound to go on and on. People who are tired of them will have to tolerate it in the coming days. Well, no matter, I can always switch off the idiot box and curl up with a good book.

My marketing strategy

It seems that I just can't get enough of the hottest topic on the Indian blog scene today. After reading all the posts from various blogs I realize that someone just swallowed more than he could chew on.

Here's my take on the whole issue. This is how I would sell my institute. Laugh loudly if you like it. Comments welcome.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this post are mine.. what the hell... no they're not mine (It was my alter-ego). Any resemblance to any person, place or thing is purely coincidental but unfortunate. These opinions are not attributed to my employer, my parents, my neighbourhood watchman, or Sabu the giant from Jupiter(There goes a volcano). Anyone who's itching to sue me, be advised that I've got a total of Rs. 23.58 in my savings account. So tumhari daal yahan nahi galne vali.

Integrity in advertisements

All these ads about skin creams making you whiter than before, detergent powders cleaning your clothes cleaner than before, shampoos making your hair silkier than silk got me thinking about one thing. Do these ad agencies actually show what the product claims? Does the model - whose hair looks as if the dog has just had its afternoon nap in it - really wash her hair using the shampoo and make it smooth as silk? If so where did the ad agencies pick up such a model with hair like candy floss? Or if not, how did they manage to get her looking like that?

I've thought about this after I saw an ad of floor tiles, where a man picks up spilt ice-cream from the floor and gives it to his wife, who unknowingly eats it and enjoys it too? What is this? I mean I understand what the message the ad was trying to give, but the execution...? Would anyone in India knowingly pick up food fallen to the ground and eat it? I think not.

This question comes up mostly during ads of cosmetic and grooming products. The most blatant of these - the fairness creams and the toothpastes. I don't have any experience of the former but I can comment on the latter. I've been using a toothpaste which claims to make your teeth whiter in 30 days. Assuming that the average 75gm toothpaste tube lasts for a month(?), I can say that I've used up two of these tubes without any marked improvement in the whiteness of my teeth. Yeah, my gums have surely become more redder, and my tooth brush needs replacing. This makes me wonder how in the world do the models on TV manage to whiten their teeth in a matter of 60 seconds? Beats me.

The bottom line of course is that why should the actors have any qualms about doing ads which exaggerate beyond a limit as long as they're getting paid? I guess I have a lot to learn about economics.

Changes in the Indian cricket scene

Well well! The current Indian cricket team coach has outplayed everyone's (surely mine) by taking some really daring steps with the team. A few weeks ago he made it clear that he won't tolerate any complacency in thet team be it by the captain of the team itself. And now we see Dravid as the new captain. I was watching the first one day between India and Sri Lanka in the morning and saw some changes, which seems to have worked atleast for the current game. Irfan Pathan coming in at no. 3 and scoring an eighty. And looking at the current score (117/5), it seems that the bowlers aren't doing too bad either. But of course, one can't make an accurate prediction by just one game. If India do win this game, Sri Lanka will definitely bounce back in the later games. Only by seeing how India maintains a winning streak over a longer period of time. (Well, M. Jayawardene just clean-bowled by Murali Karthik, who's sporting a new hairdo again!)

It's good to see Tendulkar back in form. He's scored some 93 runs and looks in good nick. Well during his injury days, I was reminded of a few lines from the famous song by Simon and Garfunkel 'Mrs. Robinson'...

'Where have you gone DiMaggio,
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you..."

Now that Tendulkar's back in the team and hopefully in form, we'll look forward for an explosive Diwali treat.